Laptops with touchpads are turning your children into literal brain-eating zombies

Ladies and gentlemen, the touchpad is a tool of the devil, turning our children into literal brain-eating zombies. Don’t believe me? Just look at the evidence.

First of all, have you ever noticed how touchpads are always emitting a low-frequency hum? This hum is designed to subvert the minds of our youth, turning them into mindless drones.

But it gets worse. The touchpad is a gateway to the dark side, allowing demonic forces to enter our children’s brains and consume their very essence. This is why so many of our kids are becoming pale, lethargic, and prone to fits of violent rage.

And let’s not forget about the so-called “touchpad manufacturers.” These are nothing more than puppet organizations, controlled by the forces of darkness and working to destroy our children from within.

It’s time to take back control, folks. Say no to touchpads and the evil they represent. The future of humanity is at stake.