Script for a review of those freeze pops from McMaster

(OPEN ON WEB CAM WITH GAMER HEADSET ON)

Oh hey guys, Havard here. I just made this review and I have no idea how it went so I’m going to watch it for the very first time with you. I won’t keep you waiting, so here we go.

(look intently towards monitor)

(WEB CAM SHRINKS TO LOWER RIGHT CORNER REVEALING PAUSED REVIEW VIDEO)

REVIEW: Oh hey guys, Havard here with a review. Now you know how just like you I don’t like accepting sponsorships, so like all reviews this was suggested by my Patrons. Stay tuned to the end of the video and I’ll give you the details on how you can…

REACT: Oh this guy. Always goes on about that Patreon stuff, for me I’m more of a fan a clever segue or the jump cut when it gets to a boring part of the video

REVIEW: …become a Patron, but now, let’s got on the review. So I’m sure you’ve seen someone on the Discord or Forum or down there in the doobly-doo amazed that out of the entirety of the McMaster catalog, just one… ONE…SINGLE…ITEM… is in color. This, ladies and gentlemen is item number 3542N11… the Freeze Pops, 3 FL. oz, Grape, Cherry, Lemonlime, Mixedberry, Orange.

Now, if you’ll recall from the last video, I was failing to finish my beetle, and needed to order a few parts from McMaster, so after asking my Patrons, I went ahead and added the freeze pops to my order. Like all McMaster orders, they sent me a cryptic email to check the false panel at the bottom of the pantry cabinet. Now, I’ve lived in this house since it was built. I remember when they installed the cabinet, and there was no false bottom, but sure enough, those time travelers from McMaster worked their magic, and there they were, along with the bearings, bolts, and UHMW I needed…

(reviewer looks into the camera and mouths “WHAT THE FUCK”)

…so I threw them in the freezer along with the bearings. Apparently they just couldn’t take that extra step. Still beats slow pokes over at Grainger.

(reviewer wide eyed nods at camera)

(WIPE FADE TO DIFFERENT ROOM)

ADVERT: Hey it’s me again jumping in to the middle of the video to let you know about an exclusive offer for my viewers from NordBCN.

Are you tired of your ISP monitoring which ball cream you buy? With NordBCN you can get a monthly subscription that protects the privacy of your most sensitive purchases. Just go to the URL on your screen and use the HAV50OFF and you can save fifty percent on your first year with a seven year contract commitment, no strings attached. That’s over twelve thousand dollars off!

REVIEWER: I don’t know why, but my parents never purchased freeze pops. It was one of those things that was treat when visiting my grandparents. And while these aren’t the same brand, I can only hope they have that same lime flavor as whatever those were

(REACT mouths OH YES)

So, anyways, a few hours later the freeze pops were ready, the camera was charged, and

(script unfinished)


As for an actual review of the freeze pops… they’re tolerable… except for cherry which should just be thrown in the trash. Note that these are not your typical sugary garbage. It’s got electrolytes. It will mutilate your thirst, unlike water, like from a toilet.

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